lkwai

its quite ironic really.
only in the past few days have i really noticed the.. difference that distance makes.
to pass judgement on anything when being oneself apart gets exponentially worse the greater the distance.
to compound the difference, the judgement can become even more skewed.
and to refer to physical distance in measuring the disparity is foolish.
more often than not, the key lies in the distance between standards of the parties concerned, hence the distance.
when the standards between the parties involved are similiar, physical distance is hardly a concern.
by the same regard, when the parties involved have a mismatch in standards.. you could be at the same place and it would not matter less.

speaking of which anyway, i'm most certain that i'm currrently working in a place with standards that would never match with mine, nor mine with theirs.
its quite ironic in hindsight, that the people whom i'm working FOR see the value in what i do, whereas those i work WITH seem to see differently.
which brings me back to my previous post, kinda. i think i'm in the wrong generation. my ideals don't hold up today. so i'm worrying, will i need to put up with more of this nonsense post ORD? i know the world's like that, but thats hardly reassuring. 5 years of studying and there'd no more buffer for the real world.

perhaps i'll just keep my fingers crossed.
 

So.. Am I socially dysfunctional?

so often it seems the values i hold dear are outdated, irrelevant and completely out-of-phase to those around me.

mayhaps there be 2 ways of looking at it.
maybe society at large has moved on, leaving some individuals lost in a forgotten era. i do still have my ideals, but they definitely do not resound as strongly within me as they did before.
or perhaps, we've all become dysfunctional together? the thought isn't that comforting, but it sure beats being left behind in the dust. :\

are morals no longer worth their weight? maybe things like mutual respect don't mean anything anymore. teamwork, cooperation tend to be the exception rather than the norm.

maybe its just this little island i'm on, and the organization that owns the island, but that'd be naive as heck.
school probably won't be any different.
work after that would be even more the same.

headtableheadtableheadtable.

"As a human being. You have all the basic ingredients. You're really very likeable, when you put your mind to it. You make people laugh, when you can be bothered, and you're kind, and when you decide you like someone then that person feels as though she's the centre of the whole world, and that;s a very sexy feeling. It's just that most of the time you can't be bothered."
- Laura to Rob, in the book HIGH FIDELITY by NICK HORNBY.

Favorite paragraph in the book haha. Finished it in 3 days of camp. I read too fast for my own good.

Anyway..
Today, I
1.  Booked out for half day of off.
2. Went to Clementi for fish porridge (lunch, ~1415hrs)
3. Didn't feel full after lunch, proceeded to subway and bought a Subway Melt.
4. Brought it home with me in the taxi.
5. Had a very chatty taxi driver. Not bad, as long as I don't have to talk much :D
6. Got home and toasted my sandwich somemore.
7. Turned on my laptop.
8. Realized the fan was even noisier than 3 days ago.
9. Proceeded to spend points 10,11,12,13,14, etc. (at least 3 hours) trying to strip my laptop, and fix the fan.
18. Stripped my laptop twice.
19. Managed to make a fan that was grinding loudly at the start, to stop grinding at the end.
20. Managed, in fact, to end up with a fan that doesn't even work.
21. Ended up with a laptop that doesn't have cooling.
22. Si liao, means need to spend more money.

Rawr.

I failed soc, so i had to come back on sat for training. so FRI was a bookout, translated into a NIGHTS OUT for me, and i had SOC SAT morning. so more or less a break of SAT-SUN-MON-TUES. and SAT was spent KO'ed at home, because of SOC. to SUN MON TUES. and then SUN was a late reveillie (yay.) and church for the most part, and another day gone. now its MON. and halfway through the day. I'ma sadded. 

anyway, taiwan trip coming up this saturday. 21 days till 22/23 aug. I'm not looking forward to it, I must say. The temperature up there is horrendously high, with nary a chance of low humidity what with it being the typhoon season and all. ( i was wishing for at least DRY weather.) darn it all. not looking forward to climbing heights and all that stuff. just hoping to endure it day by day I guess, wish me luck >.< where I go to after sispec.. i'll cross that bridge after I get there. but the freaking out has already begun. 

i wonder how much phone calls cost on roaming in taiwan. sighhh. 3 weeks awaaaay. 

anyway its that time of year now, seems like everyone's gonna be breaking contact for a while. most of the saf guys will be thrown overseas for some training, while the girls start moving in to UNI. wow its gonna be a busy month or 2. i better make plans to meet up with the lot of them soon.  

note to self: this post is nothing like what i had in mind. darn it. 

i get the feeling i'm way too idealistic. 
or maybe i was just brought up differently?
sometimes i get the feeling i expect too much from people.
like i kinda wish everyone could be more logical and civilized when dealing with others. 
some people really do get a kick out of antagonizing others, and damn its frustrating.
are they just testing waters? having fun at the expense of others? 
kinda screwed up imo. 
or maybe i'm just not mature enough. too innocent + naive. 
not too hard to accept i guess, just a bit saddening ): 
hope i don't piss people off. considering i'm so poor at reading others. 

in other news, had a nice night out tonight with jean seok cheryl kunwon and jian yi :D
dinner and talking nonsense ftw. 
somehow i always want to blog, always think i have content to blog about, and when it comes down to it..
i've got nothing to write. 
this lj is gonna be such a poor record of my thoughts. wasted -.-
this weekend feels kinda invigorating. or maybe it was the ice coffee i had just now with the gang.
mildly cheery now haha. 
and tired too doh. why tired. sigh. 

walking home from the bus stop was quite an uplifiting experience.
singing alone with music in my ears, strolling in the illumination of streetlamps. 
nary a care in the world (for like 10 minutes -.-) and just relaxing in the semi-silence.
don't really get chances for that in camp. 
do miss the feeling for letting loose some notes, some words, some lyrics,
belting out a tune, a song.
okay i think more endorphins are flowing through me for some reason.
or just caffeine. man coffee club has strong coffee.
euphoria is fun.
ima stick lyrics into my ipod songs one day. when time is more abundant.
time to go.

Don't give up,
It's just the weight of the world..
-  Don't Give Up (You Are Loved)

I'm not kidding. I'm clamming. Can't you tell? 
I don't like talking much, after all, clams can't really talk.
Normally, i'm just sitting in a corner, lurking..
laying calcium carbonate on some irritant inside me..
I like listening though. I can listen for hours on end.
Clams hardly yawn. I think. I'm not sure xD.
I'm a filter feeder though, so don't blame me if I have selective listening.
I talk (to significant extents) only under certain conditions..
Cooking me thoroughly is probably the best way to get me to open up. 
I recommend white wine and garlic. With a garnish of chopped spring onions at the very end. 
But if you don't want to cook, just alcohol works.
Drown me in beer or wine or champagne etc. you get the idea.
Whatever it is, don't make me into chowder ):

Mm. Clam. I'm juicy inside. 

Damn i'm getting hungry typing about myself. 
I think its bad to be a clam. I'd get fat thinking about myself. 

Months down the line i'll be reminded of this post, and i'll see how absurd it really is.
Oh wait, I think i'm starting to realize already.
Oh, false alarm, I'm just hungry.