Would anything I say..

doh wtf.

2009-09-09T11:59:38Z

"As a human being. You have all the basic ingredients. You're really very likeable, when you put your mind to it. You make people laugh, when you can be bothered, and you're kind, and when you decide you like someone then that person feels as though she's the centre of the whole world, and that;s a very sexy feeling. It's just that most of the time you can't be bothered."
- Laura to Rob, in the book HIGH FIDELITY by NICK HORNBY.

Favorite paragraph in the book haha. Finished it in 3 days of camp. I read too fast for my own good.

Anyway..
Today, I
1. Booked out for half day of off.
2. Went to Clementi for fish porridge (lunch, ~1415hrs)
3. Didn't feel full after lunch, proceeded to subway and bought a Subway Melt.
4. Brought it home with me in the taxi.
5. Had a very chatty taxi driver. Not bad, as long as I don't have to talk much :D
6. Got home and toasted my sandwich somemore.
7. Turned on my laptop.
8. Realized the fan was even noisier than 3 days ago.
9. Proceeded to spend points 10,11,12,13,14, etc. (at least 3 hours) trying to strip my laptop, and fix the fan.
18. Stripped my laptop twice.
19. Managed to make a fan that was grinding loudly at the start, to stop grinding at the end.
20. Managed, in fact, to end up with a fan that doesn't even work.
21. Ended up with a laptop that doesn't have cooling.
22. Si liao, means need to spend more money.

Rawr.

Square One.

2009-09-06T12:34:28Z

Tracy Chapman - Fast Car</strong>

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Nights on tekong indeed. Far away from home.
I hope i make a difference to those i meet there.
Hopefully i won't tire/grow disillusioned/screw up there. </span></span></span>

lkwai @ 2009-07-27T12:57:00

2009-07-27T05:04:00Z

darn, why do civilian weekends fly by so soon.

so my weekend was FRI-SAT-SUN-MON-TUES, for those who didn't have to come back.

I failed soc, so i had to come back on sat for training. so FRI was a bookout, translated into a NIGHTS OUT for me, and i had SOC SAT morning. so more or less a break of SAT-SUN-MON-TUES. and SAT was spent KO'ed at home, because of SOC. to SUN MON TUES. and then SUN was a late reveillie (yay.) and church for the most part, and another day gone. now its MON. and halfway through the day. I'ma sadded.

anyway, taiwan trip coming up this saturday. 21 days till 22/23 aug. I'm not looking forward to it, I must say. The temperature up there is horrendously high, with nary a chance of low humidity what with it being the typhoon season and all. ( i was wishing for at least DRY weather.) darn it all. not looking forward to climbing heights and all that stuff. just hoping to endure it day by day I guess, wish me luck >.< where I go to after sispec.. i'll cross that bridge after I get there. but the freaking out has already begun.

i wonder how much phone calls cost on roaming in taiwan. sighhh. 3 weeks awaaaay.

anyway its that time of year now, seems like everyone's gonna be breaking contact for a while. most of the saf guys will be thrown overseas for some training, while the girls start moving in to UNI. wow its gonna be a busy month or 2. i better make plans to meet up with the lot of them soon.

note to self: this post is nothing like what i had in mind. darn it.

Oh why.

2009-07-17T15:18:13Z

Its been too long since I last wrote anything of significance. (To myself, to say the least.) So long I haven't written, that when I actually have the means and desire to write, the words don't come. Dust has settled on my circuits in the past half-year. I miss the thrill of being able to find the right words and phrases, terms and technicalities, to express one's own thoughts and feelings. I might have, to say the least, intellectually devolved. Nowadays, my thought processes exist merely as a meaningless jumble of words for most of the time.

It's kinda depressing, how things are.

I miss unravelling complexities in my mind, solving problems, and I don't mean just childish word games or riddles. (I do enjoy a crossword and such, but somehow they don't seem to be enough..) There's an increasing lack of substance and form to my thoughts nowadays, I guess thats what I'm trying to say. The effects of a mind numbing half-year I would guess.. Makes one wonder what would happen after one's own tertiary education.

I want to think, lest I cease to exist.
- Hah all this was the result of me trying to write something in camp, and it ended with just feeling sorry for myself -.-" Mostly copied out from my little black notebook haha.

Anyhow in other news, ROC in August. I'm really freaking out over what we're gonna do there, it worries me and has me questioning if I'm really ready to take on the challenge.
Unfortunately the fact is whether I'm ready or not, I'll be going to ROC, so God bless me and I'll just try to survive. zomg.

no rhyme, no reason.

2009-06-20T17:42:36Z

i get the feeling i'm way too idealistic.
or maybe i was just brought up differently?
sometimes i get the feeling i expect too much from people.
like i kinda wish everyone could be more logical and civilized when dealing with others.
some people really do get a kick out of antagonizing others, and damn its frustrating.
are they just testing waters? having fun at the expense of others?
kinda screwed up imo.
or maybe i'm just not mature enough. too innocent + naive.
not too hard to accept i guess, just a bit saddening ):
hope i don't piss people off. considering i'm so poor at reading others.

in other news, had a nice night out tonight with jean seok cheryl kunwon and jian yi :D
dinner and talking nonsense ftw.
somehow i always want to blog, always think i have content to blog about, and when it comes down to it..
i've got nothing to write.
this lj is gonna be such a poor record of my thoughts. wasted -.-
this weekend feels kinda invigorating. or maybe it was the ice coffee i had just now with the gang.
mildly cheery now haha.
and tired too doh. why tired. sigh.

walking home from the bus stop was quite an uplifiting experience.
singing alone with music in my ears, strolling in the illumination of streetlamps.
nary a care in the world (for like 10 minutes -.-) and just relaxing in the semi-silence.
don't really get chances for that in camp.
do miss the feeling for letting loose some notes, some words, some lyrics,
belting out a tune, a song.
okay i think more endorphins are flowing through me for some reason.
or just caffeine. man coffee club has strong coffee.
euphoria is fun.
ima stick lyrics into my ipod songs one day. when time is more abundant.
time to go.

Don't give up,
It's just the weight of the world..
- Don't Give Up (You Are Loved)

I have a confession to make..

2009-05-22T15:53:41Z

I.. Am a clam.

I'm not kidding. I'm clamming. Can't you tell?
I don't like talking much, after all, clams can't really talk.
Normally, i'm just sitting in a corner, lurking..
laying calcium carbonate on some irritant inside me..
I like listening though. I can listen for hours on end.
Clams hardly yawn. I think. I'm not sure xD.
I'm a filter feeder though, so don't blame me if I have selective listening.
I talk (to significant extents) only under certain conditions..
Cooking me thoroughly is probably the best way to get me to open up.
I recommend white wine and garlic. With a garnish of chopped spring onions at the very end.
But if you don't want to cook, just alcohol works.
Drown me in beer or wine or champagne etc. you get the idea.
Whatever it is, don't make me into chowder ):

Mm. Clam. I'm juicy inside.

Damn i'm getting hungry typing about myself.
I think its bad to be a clam. I'd get fat thinking about myself.

Months down the line i'll be reminded of this post, and i'll see how absurd it really is.
Oh wait, I think i'm starting to realize already.
Oh, false alarm, I'm just hungry.

tick tock.

2009-05-22T06:02:42Z

in pretty much just the blink of an eye, my 1 week leave is ending already.
damn it all ):

its always the same, the first few days of leave are filled with elation, and those at the end of leave are filled with dread.
it seems the longer the leave, the worse the end becomes. back to the same old routine, the same old activities.

on the upside, i really loved my week. on the downside, i won't be getting a week like this for ages to come.
and i envy those others, those who managed to be posted elsewhere, where they can have some semblance of learning new things.
while i'm stuck doing more of the same. rawr.

haha i'll miss my friends. i wonder if they'll miss me.

boohoo more marches camps firings chionging socing in 2 days.

yadda yadda yadda

2009-05-09T17:55:13Z

lol what do i blog about for my first post in several weeks?

humm..
I just accepted NUS' offer of course to me, so I suppose my life in 2 years will still be here in sunny Singapore.
Last week, I bought Lush: Tiga, the third compilation from 99.5 FM.. Not too bad a collection I guess, and bumped into Lush: Deux today. Didn't buy it though.
This week is my last week of BSLC. In about 120 hrs I shall be undertaking a long march.
Army isn't too bad I guess, already heard of quite a few people signing on. Life is pretty straightforward, and most people are good and friendly. There'll always be black sheep making life difficult though. pfeh.
Currently, "What becomes of the Broken Hearted" is stuck looping in my head.
Just had a choir outing today, a nice dinner at Essential Brew I think. Plus coffee after that. We should do that more often. It's good to catch up and just relax. It will only get harder to plan such meetings.
I miss taking photos, I regret not having taken more at the meeting just now. Something inherently magical about capturing a 1/60 second slice of life.
HOI CHOIR, anyone wanna acapella "Fly Me to the Moon"? Very very interested in doing that song acapella. Man.
I'm way sleepy. damn.
Gotta thank God for looking over me these past few months, I'm very thankful. Gotta go sleep now I think.
Hope I can meet choir people soon again (:

Pfeh

2009-04-04T13:48:22Z

There was Sports Day today before bookout.

My wallet kena stolen. SIAN. No identity no atm card no ezlink >.<

epic fail.

in other news, sispec training not bad so far I guess, but I miss sleeping still.

):

hope the OCS guys are doing okay, hoping to see them soon haha.

After some 7 days of block leave..

2009-03-18T12:00:27Z

I'm getting that immense sense of dread at having to return back to military life in 3 days.

whywhywhy danggg.

plus my scholarship apps aren't done.

aaaaaaah.

plus i'm sick, which means I won't get to exercise at all during the block leave. Which means all my effort in BMT is erased.

DAMN AAAAh

*panic*

On the way home..

2009-03-12T12:14:57Z

so i wanted to mess up your friends page..
actually nah, my ljcut just isnt working, pfeh.

what happens when a motorcyclist materialises upon shutter release

probably the best pan. trees all moving, car dead centre.

tried to get the sky to look nice, bleh.

comments, mayhaps?

I forgot to remember.

2009-02-21T18:30:04Z

Went back for choir orientation today, finally got my chance to get back together with those people, those people whom I just cannot find words to describe.

Those people who, now that they're gone, seem to have made my heart a little less complete.

It rattles a wee bit, everytime it beats.
(Crap I don't know what to type, my english sucks nowadays.)

Is something loose within? Is my heart losing contact with my mind, with my body? Are my memories falling loose, crumbling bit by bit? Will the blood that flows within me one day be filled with shattered dreams, tattered hopes and a mangled past? And maybe the day I die, only dust and sand will remain flowing in my veins, moving only from the force of a whisper that longs to make itself heard. And likely, oh so likely, will that whisper be silenced, with nay a wisp having left my lips. And time shall then wash away the remnants of sanity, to leave with but a crease in the desert.

So there was choir orientation today, and I realized I pretty much forgot how to take good photos, or that I lost the motivation to take good photos. Maybe I'm just tired from the past weeks, or maybe I've lost inspiration, lost the ability to think out of convention. I don't know. I've definitely lost some capacity to think on my own, and I just can't help feeling I'm becoming more of a drone.

Honestly, I do like a large portion of the people I work with. To be in the same boat and know that you're not the only one pulling on the oars is a huge load off one's back, and life just gets that much easier as more people work together. The prickly part in working as a team is when someone just decides to paddle in his or her own direction. I don't know what to say, my mind is really falling asleep at this time. This afternoon, I helped out with my juniors in packing up stores post-orientation. Everyone worked together and we got things done at a decent rate (granted a few technical issues, but nothing arising from failure of character). Yet in camp, somehow there are always those who seem unable to fulfill their own responsibilities. And I feel strongly conflicted within. I worry about my judgement. After all, who am I to judge? Maybe I contribute to the mayhem - I cannot be my own adjudicator. Perhaps I'm being too critical, perhaps I'm being too rigid, too un willing to accept my view is wrong or flawed. Is that pride? Questions float freely in my consciousness, forcing me to be critical about my own attitude, have I been a proud person too long, am I harboring grudges, am I living in a bubble of ignorance that those around me allow me to keep?

After all, I know that I'm not of perfect character, I don't get along in the best or most efficient manner, I have a tendency to think that I'm right, and I just simply not that socially well versed. Am I too loud, too stubborn, do I have an excessively self-centric thought process? I like to think that I do things for the greater good, or to the benefit of others, but I do think I've become blind to the lies that I tell myself. Am I a perfectionist? I like to think that things can always be more elegant, more efficient, criticizing others when things don't happen as I feel they should, yet I exempt my substandard self from the very same checks. Is that hypocritical or what?
I do whine too much, I know. I wish I could wear a shirt that says "Please speak freely. Criticize me for what I am. Tell me what I should be, tell me what I'm doing wrong. Tell me what I'm doing right." Maybe I could do that here in this post. I don't know. Is this normal? I'm tired now. I can't think. I don't know. Ah well. I think I'll sleep it off.

lkwai @ 2009-02-01T11:47:00

2009-02-01T04:09:48Z

meh second bookout from NS. 3 weeks over. 33 percent done.

Time and time again in camp, my mind drifts back to the issue of the As. I can't help it, it just seems to haunt me continuously. I know I didn't do well for the damn papers, and I just dread having to go and see my results the day they are released. Damned sense of foreboding. I'm guessing at best its just ABBC for the damn thing. Damned depressing. Unfortunately, miracles are miracles. That is, chances are, they won't happen. Dang.

In other news, I do miss HC. Just miss going in and walking from lesson to lesson. School is such joy compared to bunk life -.- and already I feel my language skills slipping away. there's just not much time to keep my mind working like before. I do appreciate the PT though, never did have the willpower to do it on my own. I guess i'll just have to rely on the journal writing to try and keep myself thinking. Can't let my mind rot, no sir. I want to still be able to spell 2 years from now xD.

Had a small choir gathering yesterday, abit sad coz it was just a few people, but it was definitely better than nothing heh. Eating hokkien mee now. Such luxury xD. oh well hmm. Booking in 6 hours later (ie got to be at pasir ris 6 hrs later) and life goes on. oh well.

Just thinking..

2008-12-27T08:59:39Z

Is the phrase

"No unauthorized entry" redundant?
or rather,
"Unauthorized entry prohibited"?

IMO "Authorization Required" makes more sense but I could be wrong *shrugs*

In other news, christmas is over, and I had the most wonderful time going for carolling with the choir alumni.
The emo will come soon, I'm sure.

hai there :D

2008-12-17T18:33:48Z

More self linkage haha.

here.

(i hope its not pissing anyone off.)

Photos

2008-12-16T07:15:50Z

Just updated my photoblog haha.

gogo :D:D

note: this is an attempt at shameless self promotion. COMMENT PLEASE :D:D

should i facebook them btw? i feel like naming people left right and centre

lkwai @ 2008-11-25T20:41:00

2008-11-25T12:42:10Z

From How.. Strange.

a failed attempt at a panorama ):

lkwai @ 2008-11-24T20:10:00

2008-11-24T12:17:43Z

Lol.

I know i'm just nitpicking, but xD

From testing

lkwai @ 2008-11-23T16:04:00

2008-11-23T08:06:13Z

so it seems, this far post-As, my math is already starting to slip away from me.

DAI.

lkwai @ 2008-11-18T23:16:00

2008-11-18T15:35:45Z

i dunno..

after all the papers have ended, i feel so screwed up for not having worked harder for my chem and phys papers 2 and 3. It's like in hindsight, after the papers have been finished and submitted, when looking for mistakes that i realize I don't really have conceptual mistakes, and the only mistakes i have are purely careless for more than half the time. And it's not like working harder would have brought those down to zero, but the sizable chunk of marks i would NOT have LOST (had i worked harder) would be more than worth the effort.

And i feel i will be stuck with the untenable position of why I did so poorly to my future employer(s) in say, a decade?
"No sir, those were purely careless mistakes, i assure you they have no bearing on my potential performance"
Econs mocks me there for it is obvious that actual performance >>>>> potential performance.
And the sheer magnitude of my ineptitude (in i have no idea what) would have led me to mess up my only chance to showcase (?) the extent of my abilitiez.

Oh screwz.

Gotta start exercising in preparation for teh armiez.

lkwai @ 2008-11-11T19:31:00

2008-11-11T11:34:33Z

And so today,
i completely GGed at question 4 of chemistry.

Of all the topics to test, they set a 21mark question (out of 60 mind you) on a question thats on a boring topic.
thanks arh.

then yesterday, somehow expanding spheres of gas from explosions is part of a physics paper. Note: Qn did not require any physics knowledge. Could have put it in math and wouldn't have been really out of place.

But worst thing today: didn't manage to even finish half of my last essay qn for econs. +the other 2 questions i did were GGed.

Oh bell curve, bell curve, please be my friendddd.

FTW.

2008-11-07T15:08:11Z

You know that I am called the count...
Because I really love to...
Sometimes I sit and ... all day...
But eh, sometimes I get carried away...
I ... slowly slowly slowly getting faster, once I get started ....ing,
its very hard to stop.
Faster faster it is so exciting,
I could ... forever, ... till I drop!

The COUNT FOR THE WIN.

lkwai @ 2008-11-06T20:03:00

2008-11-06T12:05:30Z

there will be a day that i give up the fight.
hopefully that day will not come so soon.
for when donne said it tolls for thee,
he was wrong, for when the bells toll,
they toll for me.

A levels

2008-11-04T15:38:35Z

2 days down.

I guess some of us (well me, poor poor pitiful me) just aren't meant to learn from past mistakes lol.

Stupid stupid mistakes.

lkwai @ 2008-11-02T22:06:00

2008-11-02T14:08:58Z

Please remember to bring your Entree Proof, or else you may be denied access to the main course.